Can you say catastrophe?

Here's an age-old arithmetic problem:

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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

+ Love/hate relationships

+ What can go wrong will go wrong

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What do these add up to?

Family Vacation!

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Andrew's parents just bought a "new" RV, and we thought we'd all take it out to the lake this past weekend. I still haven't quite recovered from all of our "fun."

I kind of have an policy of not writing negative things about family members on my blog, but both of my in-laws insisted that I document this epic weekend. I think that they wanted to see just how brutally honest I was going to be. I'll try to balance all of the negative with a positive and see how far we get.

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Friday:

Positive- Grandma didn't have to go to work so we could leave earlier than expected.

Negative: It was still over 100 degrees when we left at lunchtime.

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Positive- The kids were ready for naps by the time we left- quiet trip, right?

Negative- The RV started having mechanical issues about 1/2 mile from home. No sleep for the weary.

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Positive- The kids were FANTASTIC, excited, and patient all day long.
Negative- We spent the entire day either broken down on the side of the road or waiting back at Grandma's house for the RV to get fixed so that we could continue the trip.

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Positive- Cousin DJ was able to give us a ride back out to the RV once it was fixed.
Negative- Daddy & Grandpa had taken off in the RV and left Grandma by herself on the side of the road in the truck to wait for us.

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Positive- Daddy & Grandpa were fishing at the campsite by sundown.

Negative- Mommy, Grandma, and the kids driving around an unmarked, undeveloped recreation area on the San Carlos Apache Indian Reservation until almost 9:00 pm looking for the campsite that not even Grandpa could give us directions to.

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Positive- We finally made it safely to the campsite.

Negative- The family of skunks & swarms of mosquitos that beat us there.

Saturday:

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Positive- Frank & Emma slept remarkably well for not being in their own beds.

Negative- Grandpa getting up at 4:30 am to go fishing & waking most of us up.

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Positive- Beautiful lake.

Negative- Not one single place that the kids could get in the water & play.

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Positive- The kids were perfectly content to play in the dirt while Grandpa & Daddy fished.

Negative- The broken glass, plastic, and trash that littered all but about 6 square feet of the campsite.

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Positive- Naptime for everyone!

Negative- Grandpa only takes 30 minute naps while everyone else needs at LEAST an hour, usually 2. You do the math.

Positive- Daddy & kid time in the tubes. Emma caught 5 fish all by herself! Frank caught 1 (with Daddy's help).

Negative- Mommy & Grandma left sweltering on the shore to deal with the truckloads of people coming to scream, swim, and make out at our prime campsite.

Positive- A shower to clean my filthy kids in.

Negative- Not enough water for anyone else to bathe in. Can you say stinky?

Positive- Early bedtime!

Negative- (this is gonna take more than one)

THE A/C WON'T WORK!!!!!!!!!

Swarms of mosquitoes beating at the screens.

The family of skunks tearing up the campsite.

A VERY long night!

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Sunday: Happy Father's Day!

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Positive- Daddy loved the presents we got him.

Negative- It was about 90 degrees by 7:00 am.

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Positive- All packed up & ready to go by 8:00 am.

Negative- NONE! Back to Thatcher by 9:30 am!

Positive- Grandpa got us a screamin' deal on a little commuter car for Andy.

Negative- It was leaking some sort of fluid all over the driveway before we even left for home.

Positive- Only wiper fluid, yea!

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Positive- Making it back to Tucson as soon as we could with no problems or incidents along the way.

Negative- The GIANT hole torn in my garden fence & the tomatoes & squash left smashed on the ground from my dogs laying on them.

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At this point, who cares? We're home!

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Trying to look on the bright side, I'd say that all in all, it was a success. We were able to spend time with people that love us & adore our kids. We were able to get away from home for a weekend & Andy got to go fishing, his very favorite activity. Good times. After all, someone could've stepped on the broken glass, fell in the lake, or been bitten by a rabid skunk. None of that happened, and the kids had a great time no matter how miserable some of the rest of us were. I'm just glad we all made it home in 1 piece.

And Grandma & Grandpa, let's just hold off on planning that next camping trip until the memories of this one fade a bit, OK?

He's All Boy

I love my son. He is not only the cutest little man EVER, but he's so angelic that sometimes I just want to eat him up.

I know that there's a big debate out there as to whether our personalities are based on nature or nurture, and Frank definitely falls on the nature side. He came to me perfect, and he's stayed that way even though he's had Mom's bad example in front of him for 2 years.

Frank was born with an OBSESSION with cars, trucks, and anything else that moves, rolls, or flies. It makes it really easy to occupy him- all I have to do is keep at least 1 Matchbox car in my purse, and the kid can make it through anything. Clothes shopping, doctor's appointments, or church, this kid is happy as a clam if he's got a car in his hand. This is what he usually looks like if we're at home:

This is "Frank's Corner." It's in the dining room, and we just pile the cars in the corner. He spends a good amount of time every day here. He'll ask "I go play cars, Mom?" Who could say no?

Even at his birthday party, he was more interested in the cars than Chuck E Cheese!

Gotta love the boys!

My Life Should Be A Sitcom

I think that my life is a pretty good basis for a TV sitcom. We've got all of the basic characters:

The overly sensitive, frazzled mother.
The strong, funny father figure.
2 freakin' cute kids, both of whom speak their minds in hilarious ways every single day.
Neurotic pets that could probably be a show all on their own.

Over the past couple of days, my kids have been incredibly opinionated and funny. I'll share a couple of ideas for scenes from our TV show, and you let me know if we'd be a hit.

Scene 1-
Mom & Emma relaxing in the living room, Mom painting Emma's fingernails & toenails before bed.

Mom: So Emma, do you like this color?

Emma: Yes, Mommy. Now all of the boys will love me!

(This is where you'd hear the sound of car tires screeching, and the camera zooms in on Mom's stunned face.)

Mom: What exactly do you mean, the boys will love you?

Emma: I look so beautiful that now all of the boys will just love to look at me all the time, and the girls will want to be like me.

(Zoom in on Mom looking totally exasperated.)

Mom: Emma, what am I going to do with you?

Emma: Just let me be beautiful, Mommy.

After Mommy lets Daddy know what Emma's been saying, he declares: That's it! She's never leaving this house again, I don't care if she's only 4!


Scene 2-
The whole family is eating a peaceful dinner at the dining room table. Suddenly, Frank stands up in his booster seat and leans up over his plate onto the table.

Mom: Frank, what are you doing?

Dad: Do you have to ask?

Frank's face is turning about 5 different shades of red and purple, and he's making small groaning noises.

Mom: Oh, great. At the dinner table, Frank? Do you want to go use the potty?

Frank: No, tank you.

About 2 minutes pass, with everyone trying to ignore what the youngest Merriman is up to. Finally.....

Frank: grunting noise, then "Got it!"

He sits back down and resumes eating as if nothing's happened.

Mom: Oh, man. That one's yours, Dad!

Baby Info

Ok, Ok, let me clarify. No one is out of the loop. Or rather, EVERYONE is out of the loop. No one should feel bad, or that they missed something really important.

We are currently 20 1/2 weeks along, and just spilled the beans this weekend.

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Just for the record, we're due on October 13, and it's a boy!

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I had more than one reason for not yelling "I'm pregnant!" to the world months ago. I think I'll share a few because the kids are in bed and I don't have anything else to do except tonight's dinner dishes. I'd like to postpone that for as long as possible.

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1. I overheard a snide comment made behind my back a few months ago that I would probably wait to get pregnant until I could be pregnant all by myself. This is not so far off base, but still hurt my feelings. When I had Emma, my sister Dana was due on the same day as me with her 2nd son. When I was pregnant with Frank, there were 17, count 'em, 17 women in my ward who were due just within 6 weeks of his due date. This time, both of my sisters and 1 of my sisters-in-law were expecting when we found out we were too. Also, there are already 15 women in my ward who've 'fessed up to being preggers and due through October. It's hard to feel special when literally almost everyone you know is pregnant at the same time as you. What's a girl to do when she's always one of the crowd? Keep it to herself, I guess.

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2. I think the whole conversation in relation to the announcement of a pregnancy is kind of weird. I always feel like I'm saying to people "Yea, everyone be happy for me, NOW!" I'd rather just get chubby and have people ask me later on. It seems to take the pressure off when they're more surprised than anything.

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3. I didn't want to listen to 9 months of "When's the baby coming, Mom?" 5 months from now is far enough away when you've got 2 little rugrats pulling up your shirt every 10 minutes and asking "Is the baby kicking?"

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4. When you get pregnant, you're no longer just a woman. You're a PREGNANT woman, and everyone around you seems to forget that you have a personality that does in fact extend beyond your uterus. You say "I'm expecting", and suddenly you go from conversations about your child's school, immigration issues, and the latest shocker on Grey's Anatomy to weight gain, morning sickness, and cervix dialation. I rather enjoy being an intelligent, contributing member of society, and that doesn't change just because I'm gonna get fat for a few months.

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5. I thoroughly enjoy being able to stun people when they find out how far along I am. I did get pretty chubby with Emma, but with Frank and this one, they seem to hide down in my intestines somewhere. I just stopped wearing my regular jeans last week, and it's lots of fun to have people say "You're pregnant? Wait, you're HOW PREGNANT?" That's my selfish and prideful streak coming through!

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6. 40 weeks is a long time to count even for the pregnant lady. It just makes the whole ordeal go by that much faster when you're not having to remember that you're only 11 1/2, or 16, or 8 weeks along about 10 times a day for everyone else's benefit.

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7. It's just lots of fun to keep this particular secret!

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Well, there you have it. I am selfish and rude for not telling people sooner. But look at it this way. Now you only have to wait 5 months for pics of my adorable kid, instead of 8 months if I'd have announced it when most people do. Smart of me, huh?

It's a Boy!

What a Stud!

I would like to introduce you all to my nephew, Jeremiah Korn. I am SO proud of him, and wanted to share his accomplishment with all of you. As many of you know, I was a trackster for a few years, so I have a special appreciation for what he's done.

This next year he'll also be playing football for Pima Community College. What a Stud!

Yea, Jeremiah!

http://www.azstarnet.com/altds/pastframe/sports/239449

Also, congrats to Sharissa Korn, proud graduate of Sahuaro High School, class of '08. We may have gotten soaked, but it was worth it to see you graduate.

We could not be prouder of these kids.

From the left: Sharissa, Jeremiah, and big brother Brian Paul.

We love you!

The Candyland Conspiracy

I've been making an effort to spend more quality one-on-one time with each of my kids every day. The best time with Emma is after her nap while Frank is still sleeping. We do crafts, sing songs, and play games.

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Along the way, I have discovered something that I was previously unaware of.

CANDYLAND IS RIGGED!!!

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Yesterday we spent an hour playing both Candyland and Hi-Ho Cherry-O and I lost every single game we played. I didn't really notice it at first, but as time wore on and I lost time after time, I started paying attention. I played 3 Candyland games and never made it past the peanut square.

WHAT THE HECK?

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I would draw 1 blue, 1 red, 1 yellow, while Emma hit the jackpot with a Princess Frostine card and 3 double blue cards in a row. Sadly, my luck was no better at Hi-Ho Cherry-O, as I lost in dramatic & humiliating fashion over and over again. Let me tell you, that's no small feat when you're playing against a kid who can't hardly spin the arrow because her little pinky keeps getting in the way and stopping the spinner.

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I honestly think that these games are rigged by the manufacturers. They have a computer chip embedded in the board that can tell if you're over the age of 8, and the game fixes it so that you can never win.

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I think that I have a legitimate complaint for the makers of these so-called children's games, and I'm thinking of contacting a lawyer. On the other hand, it couldn't be that my competitive streak is wildly out of control, could it? Just a thought.