Musings

How odd to be able to be on the computer & blogging in the middle of the day! I have asked myself continually over the past couple of days "What on earth did we ever do with our time before we had kids?" I feel like I should have all sorts of projects & things to do. Lots of time, lots of stuff to get done, right? Apparently that's not the case for this mommy.

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The thing that I keep thinking of (because I have lots of time to think) is how maybe I still haven't mastered the art of appreciating my children. Honestly, on Monday night before Nana came to get them, I was so aggravated & frustrated with my kids that I literally wanted to scream! (And I think I actually did yell a little!) But on Tuesday morning, they hadn't even gotten out of the driveway & on the road before I was all upset & crying because I missed them. Maybe it's all hormones, but I don't think so. I've made a conscious effort in the past to just slow down & really just be in the moment with my children. But I guess it's like anything else, we get caught up in "life" & just forget!

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Being away from the kids for all this time is teaching me that I feel totally lost without them. Somewhere along the path from marriage to mother of 3, my kids became my whole life! When did this happen? When did my entire life become devoted to & run by two little 3-foot rugrats? How is it that while I still like to think that I'm a carefree college kid, I actually AM that dowdy mother that would rather be at the park with her kids than doing just about anything else?

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I've decided that I am proud to acknowledge how pathetically single-minded I am. My kids & husband are my entire existence, and that's exactly how it should be! The Lord made us women to be the caretakers & nurturers of our families and we should revel in that calling, instead of finding all kinds of other things to fill our time & lives with. What an epiphany!

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The kids will be home on Saturday, and in the meantime I'm going to try & find something to fill my time. Maybe basketweaving?

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As for my Dr's appt yesterday, not so good. Apparently I look horrible! (That's an exact quote from the expert Dr lady) So I get to go back tomorrow & have them check me out again, and we'll go from there. I'm still dialating, and am at a 3 now. Maybe this kid will come all on his own, which would definitely be a change for me! But let's just say I'm not counting on it. I don't EVER have that kind of good luck.

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So Nana & everybody else that's wrangling my kids this week- THANK YOU! I hear that my 2 innocent little angels are managing to wear out aunts, uncles, cousins, & grandparents. Just a little taste of what I do all by my lonesome every day! Hee, hee- I think I'll go take a nap!

My First Day of Lonely

The past week has been pretty brutal. I have been a totally good doobie & spent almost every minute of every day laying on the couch, laying on the bed, laying in the chair, etc. I've been working hard to not get excited, to stay calm & just relax & keep my blood pressure down. My kids, however have had different ideas.

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Anyone with kids knows that you kind of get used to the particular brand of mischief that your particular kids tend to get into. You tend to know which cabinets they get into, which shelves they climb on, and which messes they generally make.

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My kids, however, have spent the last week finding new, exciting, and completely unexpected ways of getting into trouble. I've found them destroying bank statements, opening boxes of food, and other equally un-anticipated mischief. They've been engaging in extraordinarily inventive behavior that is making Mom feel like she's losing her mind, just as I'm supposed to be trying to be calm & relaxed. This morning we were awakened by Emma playing the drums on some canning lids. I still haven't figured out where she got them!

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So when Nana offered to let my little conspirators come play at her house for a few days, I jumped at the opportunity to let them go. I'm usually pretty reluctant to be away from them, but with Emma's school being on vacation (year-round school, you know), and NOTHING for them to do all week, my poor kids were going out of their mind with boredom. Since Mommy is confined to the house because it's still 90+ degrees outside, and it being snake season so I can't let them out by themselves, they've been bouncing off the walls. Bedtime has been a particularly bad nightmare, as they are just simply not tired! It takes hours for them to wind down at night, with lots of jumping on the beds, wrestling, & dragging stuff out of the closet & throwing it around. Poor kids are just so bored! Hopefully the change of venue to Nana's will let them get out some of their wiggles. They definitely need a change of pace.

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What this means for Mommy is not as positive, however. Now I'm bored! I felt pretty good last week, but for the past few days I've really started to feel awful. No more pretty sparkles in my vision, and I have actually had ankles for the past couple of days, but my headaches are becoming almost unmanageable. I spent the entire day in bed today with the lights off, popping Tylenol as often as recommended. With the kids around, I have to forget all this & just deal. But with them gone, it's hard not to focus on the yuckies.

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I've had a lot of time to reflect this past week. We have some good friends that just had a miscarriage at 20+ weeks. It's been so awful for them, and it's forced me to look at my life & really appreciate what I have. Although I've had some small hiccups with my last 2 pregnancies, it's impossible to feel sorry for myself. We are so blessed to have the opportunity to have children at all! And the fact that they come so easily, especially in comparison with what some women endure, is amazing to me. I've really felt blessed this past week or so. I know that the Lord loves me, and has blessed me far beyond what I deserve.

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So tomorrow we'll go visit the Dr & find out how I'm really doing. I would not be surprised to hear that I need to have this baby soon. However, I would also not be surprised to hear that everything's fine, & we'll just have to keep waiting. Past experience has taught me that when it comes to pregnancy, I simply do not have any idea what my body's up to. If I think I could go into labor at any moment, we end up having to be induced weeks later. And when I think I'm fine, the Dr confines me to the couch. I guess you could call it pregnancy-induced stupidity. But really, how is that too different from my every day child-induced stupidity? Just a thought......

Click to Give!

Hey there, all!

http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/

I've tried more than once to send out e-vites for this web page, but you have to type in each individual e-mail address, and that would probably take about half a year. This is way easier, and I'll probably reach more of you anyway.

I have a family history of breast cancer, and know quite a few people that have struggled with the disease, as well as other cancers. So, when I got the link to this page, I immediately made it part of my daily computer routine. Please visit & click. It's free, easy, and really can make a difference for women that can't afford to pay for mammograms. If you buy from their store, you help even more!

This month we're trying to reach a goal of 10 million clicks to give an extra 100 mammograms. Help us reach that goal, and tell your friends!

Denial

I have no idea what the Dr. was talking about today. Sure, I've been having really bad headaches. Sure, my ankles have been swelling up to roughly the size of tree stumps. And sure, I've been seeing sparkly little objects in my vision- just like silver tinsel at Christmas time. They can't be bad for me, they're very pretty & sort of brighten my day. But all of that can't possibly mean that my blood pressure is high & I'm on the verge of preeclampsia. (sp?)
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You know, I actually wasn't that upset when my Dr. told me today that I'll have to go on bedrest for the rest of my pregnancy. I wasn't upset one tiny bit. Sure, I could stand a couple of weeks of laying on the couch & relaxing. After all, I'm all ready for the baby & it's not like I couldn't use a nap or ten. I'll rejuvenate myself & keep myself healthy so that this baby can finish growing & come into the world in his own sweet time. At least that's what I WAS thinking. There's only 1 little problem with this scenario.
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Mommy is tired. VERY tired. After all, I got up 8 times in 7 hours last night to use the restroom. (Apparently a symptom of the hypertension.) So anytime that Mommy sits down for more than about 4 minutes, she falls asleep. And I mean asleep. Not a little cat nap or dozing lightly. But ASLEEP- dreams & all. This causes problems when Mommy is supposed to be caring for the 2 little people that live in the house with her.
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Problems like this.

Please note the potty chart crumpled & soaked on the floor. Please note the ENTIRE roll of toilet paper that had been tossed into the box of water & is now smushed into the carpet, probably never to be scrubbed out. And please note the carpet that is now so wet it'll probably be 2 weeks before the soapy water doesn't squish up between your toes, not to mention the children so soaked that they were literally dripping clumps of wet toilet paper onto the floor. Ahh, the joys of being a parent!

Yesterday I zonked out while Frank was in his big-boy undies, and he had his first accident of the day. Nice going Mommy! Sorry, Frank. He was very upset that his Cars undies got wet. But that was nothing when compared to what greeted me when I woke up this afternoon. I had just laid my head over on a pillow to rest my eyeballs & woke an hour later to the sound of water splashing & kids screeching hysterically. I must admit, it sounded like they were having a blast- and they were!

Have you ever had to bite your tongue just so that you wouldn't laugh? And why on earth does my Dr. think that having these 2 around could make me more stressed? The nerve.

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But the funniest thing about it all was the running commentary Emma gave me as I VERY calmly ( I was so proud of myself) helped them clean up the mess.

Mommy, I don't think we should've done this.

Mommy, I don't want you to be mad at us, but we were bad.

How will we ever use our bathroom again?

What will you do to us?

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High blood pressure? How could Mommy POSSIBLY have high blood pressure?

Frank's Newest Thing

Look, Mom, this is my happy face!

Gettin' Ready For Baby!

We have been SO busy this last week! Yes, I'm still preggers, and am told at least 3 times a day by my 2 year-old that my belly is "just so big!" I would be offended, but it's true. This little munchkin is growing like a weed, and he's sticking straight out front. So I FEEL a lot more fat & uncomfortable than I did with either of my other 2 kids. I'm down to counting days at this point, so much so that I've even considered starting to cross off the days on a calendar. But that's a little extreme, don't you think?

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I went to the Dr. this morning for my 35 wk checkup, and I'm already dialated to a 1! I know that sounds pathetic to most of you, but it's huge for me. I wasn't dialated AT ALL when I went in to be induced with Emma. I think I was at a fingertip when I went in for Frank. So at least things are starting to move! Andrew thinks that this little boy has already started to drop, so maybe I'll have 1 kid without having to be induced. Although, I must say that I LOVE being able to schedule with family members, babysitters, etc.

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I'm starting to get really scared for the labor part of this whole ordeal. The memories of Frank's delivery are coming back, and my fears about passing another kid past my broken tailbone are starting to overwhelm me. I had a long conversation with my Dr. last week, and unfortunately there's not much they can do for me beyond the epidural. I have seen my pain specialist, and he wanted to do injections right before labor, but those shots in my booty hurt for weeks last time, and made both of my legs numb for days after I got them. I'm not sure which option is better- excruciating pain or being so numb that you walk crooked for weeks. Hmmmmm.... Basically, I'm screwed no matter what I do, so I'm going to try and tough it out. Of course, I can always just schedule a C-Section, but I have no idea why my doctor thinks that trading that kind of incision pain & recovery time is any better than just dealing with my broken butt! I'm just going to have faith that I can do this. Pioneer women did this with no meds in the back of moving wagons, right?

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We've spent a lot of time getting the house ready for baby Jack. We cleaned out the den & made a flying trip to Ikea to get a little armoire for his nursery. Frank & Emma had a blast helping Daddy put it together.

The only problem with cleaning out that room is that now we have a gun cabinet, 2 sets of golf clubs, and 1 rather large "Aurora horse" that are without homes. This is Emma every night during her breathing treatments now.

I've managed to get all of the baby's laundry washed, and have been crossing things off of my "getting ready for baby" list almost every day. (Yes, Eric, a list, check!) I feel so accomplished! It's such a change from feeling fat & lazy all day, every day! I think that this whole baby thing is starting to get a lot more real for the kids. Frank told some guy at Target that we were buying our stuff for "my baby Jack." The checkout lady & the guy were laughing hysterically because Frank was rubbing my belly the whole time he talked to them.

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We've been so on the ball at our house that we've already started- (dare I say it?) Christmas shopping! We've made our list, checked it twice, and started to make piles of presents in the guest room. I am so proud of myself. Now if I can just get Halloween costumes done in the next week or so, I will truly think myself a superwoman.

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The only problem with all of this wonderful progress is- I NEED A NAP!!!!!!!

FRIED ZUCCHINI!!!

Well, we have a winner!

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The only person that guessed right was SHAWNA!!

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OK- let me elaborate. Last month when my family was camping on Mt. Graham, my sis-in-law Amanda made fried zucchini & okra. She used pancake mix as the batter, just seasoning it a little, and it tasted great! I watched her do it, and even helped fry the veggies. So this week I thought I'd make this up at home-using the exact same ingredients & method.

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Amanda's turned out like typical fried zucchini, with a light, yummy crust. Mine somehow poofed up so that they were the size of donuts or scones. They tasted great, but just didn't look right. Also, in reality they were fried just right. I'm not sure why they looked so brown (or overdone as Andi suggested) in this picture.

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Well, what can I do? I'm just not destined to be successful in the kitchen. Luckily my family accepts me for what I am, and just quietly eats whatever disaster I happen to put on their plate that evening. At least in this case the food only looked weird, but didn't taste that way. I optimistically believe that if I keep plugging away, eventually I'll be a decent cook (even if it does happen by accident!)